In the article "This Detroit house is being turned into a living model of cost-saving sustainable design", Peters (2016) introduced ''Motown Movement'' as an initiative undertaken by three architecture students to design a sustainable living environment through affordable means. She then shared that the students were inspired to increase public awareness of sustainable and cost effective ways to reconstruct houses, through workshops conducted in the revamped Detroit house - a living exhibition filled with green ideas. People will be imparted with knowledge of green sustainability tricks which they could easily replicate in their houses through the workshops planned on addressing sustainability and cost effectiveness.Peters summed up in how the students collaborated with local organizations and their university to create projects flexible enough to accommodate varying conditions and spread the idea of Motown Movement to a worldwide level. While Detroit was a successful case on how sustainability can be implemented, Peters failed to consider other potential factors which may affect the success of the plan worldwide.
The first factor which the article failed to address was the living and environmental condition of the focused area. 'Motown Movement' was based purely from the culture and living condition of Detroit with the article only focusing on factors pertaining to it which might not be the same case with other areas. Meanwhile, in developing countries like Brazil, basic necessities such as drinking water and healthcare were already lacking which makes promoting sustainability to them a challenge as they had different priorities. In Brazil, natural calamities were common on slums which were built on unstable ground such as hill slopes. Thus, making the plan for sustainability there unfeasible.
As the people in Detroit ''were much more positive'' and were more open to new ideas given to them despite their bad living conditions, this made executing the plan in Detroit feasible while it may not be the case in other areas. This leads to the last factor which would be the mindset and culture of the people. One of the challenges faced by the Vietnamese government in promoting sustainability was influencing organizations and the general public in utilizing eco-friendly products and implementing green measures to save energy. In Vietnam's case, organizations were not keen in implementing eco-friendly measures as resources had to be spent unnecessarily while the local people were more focused on preserving the natural state of the land and were not open to change. In order for sustainability to flourish, fostering cooperation between the different involved parties by coming up with sound policies which benefit all parties will affect the success rate of the plan. Even for developed countries, implementing sustainability can be a challenge due the mindset of the people. In the United States, negative perceptions on the greenness of a green product and the performance quality of a green product as compared to their conventional counterpart was one of the factors hindering the growth of sustainability in the country.
In conclusion, while their efforts in trying to promote sustainability by making it easy for the community were commendable, the success of their plan worldwide will be highly dependent on factors such as the living condition, culture and mindset of the targeted community which the article failed to address. As the focus was on Detroit, it made the article fell short on information which could have made it relevant to more people. While there may be plans for sustainability to thrive, the success of the plan will be highly dependent on the people in the focused area.
Bonini, S & Oppenheim, J. (2008). Cultivating the green consumer. Retrieved on 24 September 2016 from http://ssir.org/articles/entry/cultivating_the_green_consumer
Peters, A. (2016). This Detroit house is being turned into a living model of cost-saving sustainable design. Retrieved on 19 September 2016 from https://www.fastcoexist.com/3061563/world-changing-ideas/this-detroit-house-is-being-turned-into-a-living-model-of-cost-saving-s
Puritt, J. (2012). Challenges to being sustainable, and how to over them. Retrieved on 24 September 2016 from http://www.environmentalleader.com/2012/08/14/challenges-to-being-sustainable-and-how-to-overcome-them/
Vinh, L.D. (2013). Urban blueprints: Khanh Hoa province, Vietnam. Retrieved on 24 September 2016 from http://www.worldcitiessummit.com.sg/urban-blueprints-khanh-hoa-province-vietnam
Revised at 5.23 pm on 09/10/2016.
1) The summary provided a clear view of what the article was about, with information regarding how they promoted sustainable lifestyle within the area.
ReplyDelete2) Yes. There is a clear transition on how the summary moved on to the reader response.
3) The reader response made sense when being compared with the summary as certain factors were not in consideration in the article. Even though the reference was provided, citations were not shown within the passage itself. The reference will benefit if it is put in alphabetical order. The last 2 reference provided the title and web link but not the organisation name or author, like for the final one, the author name's H.E. Le Duc Vinh can be found under the title, which could be use.
This is quite a decent first draft, Azrie. It is generally fluent, the summary is quite appropriate and accurate, and I can see that you have some critical ideas about the article's content. What is missing is a more controllable thesis. In class on Monday we discussed the place of a controlling idea in a thesis (but you were absent). As your current thesis stands, your controlling idea is far too broad. That makes your chance of controlling the development of your main ideas throughout the response less likely.
ReplyDeletePlease see the comments I have made below:
1) In the article "This Detroit house is being turned into a living model of cost-saving sustainable design", Peters (2016) introduced ''Motown Movement'' as an initiative undertaken by three architecture students to design a sustainable living environment through affordable means. >>> very fine introductory sentence
2) ...workshops planned on addressing sustainability and cost effectiveness.... >>> (odd phrasing)
3) Peters summed up in how the students collaborated with local organizations and their university to create projects ... >>> in how >>> with a statement about how...
4) on a particular community >>> (odd phrasing)
5) of the people >>> which people?
6) ...such as the living condition, culture and mindset of the people which the article failed to address. >>> (a punctuation issue, which we discussed in class on Monday)
7) ...I believe the success of their plan on a particular community is highly dependent on factors such as the living condition, culture and mindset of the people which the article failed to address. >>> This thesis needs clarified.
8) The first factor which the article failed to address was the living and environmental condition on other parts of the globe. >>> This is a clear topic sentence. But I'm not sure about the bit regarding "the living and environmental condition on other parts of the globe." That is far too broad a focus.
9) 'Motown Movement' was based purely from the culture and living condition of Detroit with the article only focusing on factors pertaining to it which might not be the same case with other areas. >>> The article has a very narrow focus, yes. If she is to be faulted, I would suggest that she could have given more info on the project at hand.
10) ...as they had different priorities. >>> (verb tense)
Comments, part 2
ReplyDelete11) Thus, making the plan for sustainability there unfeasible. >>> (fragment)
12) The last factor would be the mindset and culture of the people. >>> This sentence can be tied more closely to the thesis.
13) one of the challenges faced by the government in promoting sustainability was .... >>> (tense?)
14) In Vietnam, one of the challenges faced by the government in promoting sustainability was influencing organizations and the general public in utilizing eco-friendly products and implementing green measures to save energy. In Vietnam's case, organizations were not keen in implementing eco-friendly measures as to them, resources has to be spent unnecessarily while the local people were more focused on preserving the natural state of the land and were not open to change. >>> Your in-text citation info is missing: You must cote of the source of this info. Otherwise, you can't put on the citation reference list.
15) In the United States, negative perceptions on the greenness of a green product and the performance quality of a green product as compared to their conventional counterpart was one of the factors hindering the growth of sustainability in the country. >>> Says who? Also, why past tense?
16) while Detroit was a successful story >>> "Detroit" is too broad. Be specific.
17) As the article was focused mainly on Detroit, it made the argument one-sided which makes it biased. >>> (punctuation)
18) ...while Detroit was a successful story on how sustainability can be implemented, Peters failed to consider other potential factors which will may affect the success of the plan worldwide. >>> There seems to be a better focused thesis within this statement.
Let's work on this.